She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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