i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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