There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im holly from the hills drunk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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