I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I die, sorry about rent.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
