I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
