just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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