I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
