you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So many bounce houses so little time
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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