After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
