he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
