We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
