like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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