she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
