I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
