So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
