God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
