i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
