Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The best revenge is premature balding
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
