I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
