i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
