1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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