I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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