Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
