I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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