we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
