I am puke
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
