Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
