dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
