I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
