Don't make out with my wife yet
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
