I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
