Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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