Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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