So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
