Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
