Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
