we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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