My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
