I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
