The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
