is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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