pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That accounts for only three of the penises
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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