I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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