it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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