apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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