Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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