someone owes me an orgasm
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
