I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
