Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just want nice things and good sex
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
