yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
