Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
