I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
